| I'm so tired. |
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| 12:02am 18/12/2003 |
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mood:  content
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Yes, I'm over all tired. My little doggy Pookie kept whining cause he had to go pee, so I woke up really really early.
What else do I have to say?. Oh I don't know. |
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Read 9 - Post |
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| Uhm. |
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| 12:24am 17/12/2003 |
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mood:  calm
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Yesterday was a mad blast for me wasn't it. Yeah. Well, so what. HA. People are trying to be weird and such to me today, oh well. I MISS JAIME AND MY TEK. Plus my Angel :( hopefully I'll talk to him at lunch.
Anyways I'm out |
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| Real Diry Entry. |
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| 01:25am 16/12/2003 |
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mood:  aggravated
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I wrote this in my real diary and Now I'm forwarding it to here
This fucking sucks donkey ass. I have to be in this class with teachers who can't see half way up their butts. and students who are more immature then a 5 yr old. I'm sick of being treated like full on crap and it doesn't help when I try to be good and people try to fuck it up for me anyways, it's pathetic and I just wish everyone knew problems when they saw it.
What most disturbs me right now is mike aka Onyx. I read everything he has to say, and you know what gets me?, is how he can say he feels the same, but its bullshit, just like the rest of his words. I bet you he doesn't even think of me, and I doubt he even cares about this lee lee, right. My feelings for him stop here and I can walk away and NOT CARE ANYMORE. I hate it when I always feel something for someone and yet they think it's nothing at all. Mike if you read this which I highly doubt you ever will, then you can take my heart that I gave you because god knows I'm dead already. So to end this i'm not coming on anymore. Call me if you dare, which I doubt you will, 650 366 6957.
R.I.P. I'm sick of it all. |
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| give me a fucking break. |
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| 01:26am 03/12/2003 |
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mood:  sick
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I have been sick out of my mind. Two ear infections, and a daughter who is driving me insane, although I love her to death =D. I slept yesterday from 7:30 in the morning till 9 at night, ohh I should've stayed home today but I didn't. Me and my damn self. I need to learn how to stay home when I'm sick. Har Har.
Anyways, I've been getting phone calls on my cell phone at like 3 AM, it just whacked me entirely. GRRR. Anyways, I accidently woke up MY SWEETIE the mother night, I IM'ed his cell phone at 3:30 in the morning, lmao. Him saying, "what the fuck is that", WHOOPS, sorry hun I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd IM someone in a very short distance radiance *lol*, oh eeds your so ...er..uh.....no comment.
SOMEONE BRING ME SOME SOUP, pleasseeee. And my teddy bear lol.
I feel so beautiful right now, even though I look like a sick little girl lmao.
...ohhhh my I'll write later. |
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| Miss Dolly Dreadful |
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| 06:41pm 29/11/2003 |
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mood: sick
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Today I'm doing somewhat better. I'm sick as fuck, and I feel like on going crap. :( Me and Duckie got into a huge fight, he blocked me >=/ so that showed me that he didn't care at all and knew it was going to hurt me, so it's over between me and duckie. Now I'm single Anyone want me ?!?! =p j/k. Well I don't know LOL.
BUT I am sick, and my sister Lorrena is suppose to come back at 10 with Taco Bell YUM YUM ^_^. I woke up at 3:30 PM, I wish I could go back to sleep :( but still. I wish someone was here right now, I need some company, all I have are my kittys Spefix and TuTu, My dogs Damien and Pookie *sigh* cute cute.
Anyways, I'm going to go sit down and just be lazy in my pj's ^_^ IM me on AIM if you want to talk.
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| ANOTHER ONE. |
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| 05:58pm 28/11/2003 |
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mood:  amused music: "Gold Dust Woman" - Hole
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Yeah so I'm writing again. I'm all blah and stripper like. I heard Duckie was cheating on me, or some crap like that, well you know what, I don't give a shit anymore. I'm better then any hoe he's giving it to, so I'm fine ^_^
Me and Azalia were saying we need to out and have some fake sex with men who only do it to feel self esteem. Confused?. Next week our band has a show at the local club around here. I act more relaxed up on stage then I do in reality, I guess it is true when I say music keeps me alive.
Fuck a nut, I need more smokes >_< oigiu2gdyft2wt stupid fuckers. I hate not having smokes, it renches me. wait, I don't know that word =/ oops. BLAH BLAH fucking BLAH, I seem to talk to much and it makes me giggle.
You know what I need..to put a gun to someones head for shits and giggles, then I will smile and say life is perfect, mind me if I actually pull the triger ;). I'm tired of people acting so fucking stuck up and rude because everyone else is, well I say TAKE THAT FUCKING STICK OUT OF YOU'RE ASS ^_^
I feel divine. |
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| Hm. |
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| 05:33pm 28/11/2003 |
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mood:  crappy
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I slept in today. Woo I kept waking up though, that pissed me off the most. I woke up with a headache too, I think I'm getting sick again :( FUCKING A, I hate getting sick. my boyfriends sick, or so he says. He goes by Abuse_Duckie on Facethejury. I don't know what the hell is going on, I think I should be single for sometime and just forget about men.should I? I don't know.
Someone come and love me :( |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| ..back.. |
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| 09:32pm 27/11/2003 |
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mood: aggravated
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yeah well not for long. I'm thirsty I want milk.
Anyways, this month have been a photo shoot marathon for me, or so it has felt like it. I've had extensions taken in and out in the past 2 weeks, double MAX.
Me and my boyfriend are on the rocks right now, and I'm just not all up for this bullshit drama. I wanna go back to Illinois, BOOM BOOM BAM.
Ahhh fucking A. yeah well. AIM new sn x Dirty x Veinsx
I'm going now so I can get a good FUCK
*rolls eyes* |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| Deep heart in pure acid. |
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| 10:00pm 20/11/2003 |
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mood:  depressed
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I want to cry..I want to cry
I want to wash this pain from inside.
Hear me scream..hear my crys
I can't help these tears that I cry.
How can I say just how I feel
the pain is so deep, it seems so unreal..
I hate being this torn up girl
this girl with no heart to seek
I only feel the hurt people bring
I don't understand, I can't feel, I won't win.
I ask if heaven is on the way, but to my dismay
Heaven held back its heart for me
Its arms for me
Its comfert for me
It called away to banish me
Now all I have is this blackend heart that lays deep in acid
I can't replace it
I can't hate it
Someone seek it
find it
love it
and maybe my heart will be fixed like it was once before.
The night only has my tears as I sit on my bed
this hurt I feel as I lay my head
I can't cry in someones arms
I can't know I'm cared for
not anymore.
It hurts to say hello when your so near
It hurts to say I'll be there, when my heart is in fear.
So I sit here with my stained cheeks in my hands
and wish for someone wonderful
someone who loves me for who I am. |
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| MOTHER FUCKER !#$@%^ !!!!! |
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| 07:34pm 20/11/2003 |
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mood:  KINKY..dot dot dot... music: ++I wanna put my hand on your gun++
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Yeah so I'm in a heavy weird MOOD today.
but I'm happy. ANYWAYS. My eyes hurt like a mother fucking homie bitch because I was cooking dinner and I put the oven up to 500 *WHOOPS hehe*, yeah and that steamy stuff came out and it was in the house and now my eyes are like *BAH I NEED TO CRY HELP HELP HELPPPPP*, and yeah.
ANYBOOB, I got somemore pink clips, hair thingys, and more clips ^_^ WOOT me and my weirdness. I went outside with just my NIN shirt on, with my skull skirt, bright blue thigh high fishnets and boots. Eyeliner and powder with my hair up in a high messy bun thingy. HEHE. and my pink princess sunglasses. YEAH SO, as you can guess it was a lazy day for me today. We were playing football during P.E and OMG I had to go fucking PEE PEE, and it wasn't good because I changed into my converse to play football and I just stood there in the middle of the field yelling, "HURRY UP AND GET THIS GAME OVER WITH, EDEN HAS TO GO POTTY DAMNIT!", BOOBIES. Haha yeah but then my pee pee erge stoped and I started jumping up and down singing this techno club song I have on my cd but it was stuck in my head, Nichole started cracking up on the field, !@#$%^ fuck you MAMA short :D. Azalia said that I act like a 5 year old even though I'm 18, HAR HAR, so what bitch ^_~ love you HUNNI POO. hehe.
YEAH, so I read christ 's AIM profile and I got M-A-J-O-R-L-Y jealous, for reasons that go up your ass ^_^ but I shrugged it off and said OH LOOK THERES A MAN I CAN GO FUCK IN A DARK CORNER, HEAR ME MOAN YOU BITCH tehehe. Yeah but I overly have a crush on Christ, FUCK YOU. hehe. Well, my crush is kind of going over-board because I don't know whats happening with him and his ex, nor do I want to, BUT THATS A DIFFERENT STORY ^_~. I'll just go pout with a knife up my ...OOPS..nvm. Anyways, I've had toomany laughs today, toomany laughing my ass---es off today, and I gotta go pee now. Come fuck me and I'll scream the night away for you *shows her thong* BOOB me mother fucker ^_~.
I pretended to give Nicholes nail polish a blow job, Nichole took a picture, so I'll see if I can scan it and post it. OH yeah go EDEN and the nail polish. ALSO...
CRYSTALS MOM HAS FLASHLIGHT FETISH.
Eden
xoxo |
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| Wooh. |
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| 01:00am 17/11/2003 |
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mood:  bouncy music: Me drinking MILK
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I'm whore'n on MILK. haha. yeah well. White Stripes playing in December I think in San Francisco, HAVE TO FIND OUT. Bump Bump. I'll write something later. |
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| ++Eden Lee++ |
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| 09:38pm 16/11/2003 |
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mood:  crushed music: White Stripes
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The pink photo is a year old or somewhat. the other two are from last night
( CLICK ME. ) |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| Aye. |
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| 05:06pm 16/11/2003 |
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mood:  good
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So Today is a weird day. My gama brought all her things down from when she was in Scotland. My gampa was complaining about him wanting dinner. My gama is from Scotland and so is my gampa, my gama and gampa on my dads side are russian and hispanic. So I'm sitting here, playing with these little doll cut outs, and then I found a rock in one of the boxes...yes...a rock. I asked my gama why she had a rock in her box and she said its from when her gampa died. She said they have a burial in Scotland and she took one of the rocks. Woooo ok gama your scary. Anyways, yeah. So.
I'm hungry. |
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| Losing my balance. |
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| 01:27am 12/11/2003 |
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mood:  lazy
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IT ISN'T FAIR. Guess what woke me up this morning? YEAH falling over and landing on the floor on my ass, which hurt like a mother fucking BITCH. Haha, it was funny though. I think I broke an ASS BONE. OHHH my plastik jesus on my dashboard..with horns. Har Har. No, I would rather have a burning cross on my dashboard then a plastik happy one. YANNO?? lol.
I'm having an emo day. Not sad, just tired and lazy. My hairs up and just messed lol!, I hardly have any makeup on. OHHHH my, don't look children, X-RATED. haha..uh..No comment. This bitch won't leave me ALONE, it's pissing me off and if she doesn't stop getting in my fucking face I will BREAK HER NOSE. Serious damage when you get up in my face, I swear. I know I sound ghetto, but it pisses me off to the fullest. So, not so emo, but merely like, PUNCH THE FUCK OUT OF IDIOTS..day ^_^. Wooo, happy. OKKKKK, so..what do I say next?. I had e-mail after e-mail with Mike last night, he didn't answer my last one. Either got fed up with me, uhh lol. Or went to sleep. Which probably did happen. But its just none of my buisness anymore what he does, and hopefully I'll begin to believe that. ANYWAYS..I'm going to read, or something..if the book doesn't turn upside down on accident. |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| A smile.. |
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| 09:37pm 11/11/2003 |
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mood: bouncy
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I smile..and then I giggle..and then I laugh and feel happy. I'm smiling right now..Mike I adore you..
Where would I be without myself?. I smile and then I end up feeling like a million bucks...I love my smile now, I love it to no extend. ..it's what gets me through my day, through my life, and I LOVE that feeling. I could seriously do some damage from being this happy.
I have a flame inside of me, and I LOVE IT. I don't want it to burn out, and hoping it won't. I just had like a couple of mins just jumping on my bed, or dancing wildly in the dark..omg I loved it more then ever. And now I'm smiling, on my own, No ones making me smile, I'M MAKING MYSELF SMILE WITHOUT ANY REASON!. I love it..I love it so DAMN MUCH. |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| E-mail.. |
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| 03:18pm 11/11/2003 |
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mood:  enraged
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Leah wrote me an e-mail, so I wrote her back and I'm posting it for no reason.
I didn't know you felt that ::strongly:: for Bryan at all. Or I would'nt of said what I did. Bryan, I've known him for the longest time, and I know how he can be, and I don't want you hurting anymore then you already are. I had heard rumors about Bryan, and I confronted him about them, then he started bashing on me and Phil's relationship, so I started yelling at him and then blocked him. Really, Bryan is Bryan and I can't change that, so if he does something to someone, it's none of my buisness.
Melo, ugh screw melo. A year ago, people would tell me lies about what Jeffree was saying, and that they knew you and you said shit about me, but not once did I lash out at someone I didn't know, I just ignored the people who said you were saying stuff, because I knew we didn't know eachother so other people were lieing. Melo, it's a social bitch just like every other site, and in reality it would probably make everyone sick. Although I'm on these sites, there are reasons why I still need to be on them, but then again, it doesn't matter, admins can screw a hammer nail.
I think I'm wanting to be inlove, because I'm not even close to being over Mike...It hurt's because he's hurting and he's not letting me help him, thats why I just backed away. I want to be over Mike so that I know there are more people out there, but my MIND cannot stay OFF OF MIKE..which is really pissing me off, and making me cry mostly every night. I'm in SO, ca, where he is, and I saw him the other day I think, but I kept walking because I was with my cousin and my older sister. I can't face him, I can't talk to him, all I can do is cry because I DO love him that way, but it just feels like it'll never happen between me and Mike, even though he says different, I just know and it hurts more then ever. Mike is gorgeous, yes, but thats not why I love him -_- I love him because he's not like everyone else, because me and him have gone through the same shit that no one else would believe. He thinks I want to change him, and he thinks that about everyone, but I'm not..I just want mike to be happy, but like I said, me and him aren't talking anymore so, it doesn't matter.
I think we get a long fine, and really no one should say anything about our friendship if they don't even know the half of it. It's twisted how people now a days can be so clouded of memories from the past, yet they can never look forward because of it. I don't know, I think I'm just over-done or something, or maybe I'm just forsaken like the rest. Just feels like everything I touch, I lose, or they go away. So I block myself from the world, from the people, from the subjects, I just block until people are as gone as they can possibly be. I don't want to block you out, and I know how good of a friend you are, so I'm not. But then again, I am scared of losing people.
cockroaches are cute when they hiss. =/
For some reason, I just want to be damned. |
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| One in One.. |
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| 09:23pm 10/11/2003 |
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mood:  exhausted
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"Here in my garden of magick". I don't have anything new to say. I get tomorrow off, so thats good, SLEEPING IN FOR LEE!. I'm kind of out of it right now, because I took a nap but I guess I slept too long. I had a lazy day today, hardly any makeup, a beanie on, a sweatshirt and pants. I'm a little blah, right now. I had a VERY odd dream, a guy was in it, but it was a guy with extentions, and BEAUTIFUL makeup and omg just gorgeous. I forgot who that was though.
"d-d-d-dradle d-d-d-dradle". Rap, haha on a disney movie, kind of sick when you think about it. but it has a good beat. I'm watching Hocus Pocus right now, if you can guess from the first "quote" when I started writing. I HAVE A PHOTO SHOOT IN 2 MONTHS. So I'm very very happy about that =) I want to get some new clothes during christmas, and thats what I shall do! ^_^. I feel sleepy again, DAMN ME AND MY SLEEPYNESS, I hate it so damn much sometimes. but it's better then hardly sleeping at all.
OH OH. I need some help. I might be needing a new photographer in northern ca, close to san francisco!, So if anyone knows, or will do it, please let me know. |
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gothikasynth's journal
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